This is my..DeAth Note

●Dear● -Dead- ●Diary● ♥♥♥

This is a story of me, my life and my experience.
I'm MIcheLlE.
I am not held responsible for any forms of vulgar comments and personal opinions in this blog.
Read it at your own risk, by all means,
If you find it offensive and inappropriate,
Dear you, just simple, DON'T read.

~P.E.r.I.o.d~

(Sunday, September 16, 2012-)
+12:13 AM]*

# insecurities-

Insecurities.

Uncertainty.

Combine both two, and it equals to stress.

Yeah, can't believe I'm stressed over this. It's been 4 months living with my life rotting, enjoying my every bit of sleep and slack, gym and free time. I guess I am having the fittest and laziest time of my life. Not until Friday, when I finally got my letter.

I have to be in Negeri Sembilan for a year. Housemanship, for a year, but hospital not known. Kinda stupid at times but what is there to say, not like they'll accept that they're dumb. Have to akur la what to do. So it struck me. I was happy and sad at the same time. Happy that I finally able to put my degree into good use, and sad in a way I have to embark a new journey without my family and close friends. A whole new beginning, a whole new world to discover.

This is not like in Malacca, though it taught me a great deal how to be independent. I've been in Malacca for my attachment for a few months, 3-4 months to be exact. I must say, with good company I seriously wouldn't mind, and with time allocation, I was able to plan out my accommodation, my internet and my miscellaneous fairly easy. But not with this. I have to go all the way there just to know my hospital, and that also I have to work on the day itself. Kinda stupid, but what to do. So within this time frame, I can't plan what I am going to plan. I can't plan my accommodation simply because I don't know which hospital I'm going to, I can't plan my internet 'cause who knows that place is too rural to the point only streamyx could give me internet or you know, maybe we'll share our line (wifi) with other roommates. See?! I can't plan. And the stupidest part is, I have to stay in the hotel in the mean time. Dafuq.

Okay, that alone just bothers me 30%. Another 70% goes to my commitments; I have to stop my dance class for good. I can't even tell a proper goodbyes to my dancemates, because unbelievably I was not really given a good time frame to say my goodbyes. Talking about gym, I am continuing it for the benefit of the price. Probably will come back and work out. Also, packing. Oh boy, packing again. Got the hang of it when I was sent to Malacca. Then, the forms to fill up, to certify, to photocopy. PTPTN loan, KWSP, oaths, and good knows that others that might pop up into one of my batchmates mind and bombard us that we should do this and that. I had enough already!

Another additional stress is, I'm afraid of my brains rotting. I'm scared I forgot everything and I couldn't perform well. I'm afraid of bad peers, bad bosses, bad patients. I'm terrified of being alone. Please God, please let my good friends be at my side for support !! What more that I don't know mandarin. It will be a very big disadvantage. ZzzZzz.

I'll miss my family, friends, and Sky though I may come back once a fortnight or so.

Arrgh~~ This feeling is terrible. So many things to do, so little time, so many uncertainties.

I hope it gets better once everything is settled. =(

God, I need you to make me strong to pull this through.

sigh.

0 .deaths.
And the story ends like this...period.
By: M i c [ H e L L ] e .
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________®